September 2008 Newsletter

Ever wondered why some people command respect and are influential without effort? This month discover the core of...

Ethical Influencing

You don't have to be a "person of influence" to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me. -Scott Adams

When you hear the word ‘influential’ your mind may routinely call up images of the rich, famous and powerful. It is a word that many people feel they cannot lay claim to as it belongs to politicians, actors and business moguls and has no rightful place in their daily affairs.
Unfortunately this belief often acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy and detracts from us understanding how given the right approach anyone can be influential.

Influence vs. Manipulation
For some the distinction between being ‘Influential’ and ‘Manipulative’ is tenuous. There is, however, a key distinction between these two terms and it relates to the outcome.
In order for someone to claim their right to be influential they must first recognise that the power of persuasion is not necessarily a negative thing. Although our newspapers are often littered with stories of manipulative tyrants we need only consider the likes of people such as Nelson Mandela to see how influence does not necessarily mean something negative.
Manipulation normally results in people feeling deceived and bubbling with a desire for revenge. While ethical influencing is having the foresight to ensure that your actions are not damaging and will gain you the support and commitment of those around you. . Wholesome influencing means that you have digested the interests of the people you are persuading and will use your understanding to their advantage as well as your own.

Negotiating Environments
Hypnotists cannot make people do things that contradict their most important morals and without duress people cannot be influenced to do things with which they do not agree.

Being influential is actually a negotiation process. Unless you are going to use duress (which is manipulation) you will need to understand the needs and aspirations of any group, or person, that you would like to influence.
Having a high impact on your environment boils down to understanding its workings.
Only once you appreciate how people perceive and interact with their surroundings can a path be forged that will result in a constructive outcome for all parties concerned. Establishing such an understanding that will act as a starting point for being influential can be achieved by asking the right questions. Why, where, how, who, what are the right questions?’, you might ask? Exactly.

Addressing Reason
Generally people do not like being told things without being offered substantiation. Imagine a scenario where a senior at work tells a junior, ‘You are lazy and not doing your best.’ Irrespective of whether the accusation was true or not most people would feel embittered and ‘attacked’.
Contrastingly imagine the same senior were to say, ‘I feel that we can help you to improve your performance, here’s how…’ and then outline the specifics of the current situation in a tactful manner. There is far more chance they would have had a positive influence over their colleague.
Given a decent qualification of what is said the majority of people are more likely to understand what is being said and view it as ‘reasonable’. When we address the need for explanation we address the deeper need that people have for understanding. The effects of clearly explaining why change is necessary are far stronger and more enduring than commands simply based on hierarchy.

Integrity
Where humanly possible, do what you said you would do. The word ‘hypocrite’ is not pretty and doesn’t do much for your networking at cocktail parties.
In the long-run valuing integrity over personal profit will be worth more to your relationships and reputation than any short-term gain that can be achieved by going back on your word.

The Right for Respect
Dismissively waving away a person’s objection is not only disregarding an opinion but also the person who formulated it. You do not necessarily have to agree with every objection, or idea that you encounter. Having sufficient respect and diplomacy to at least consider what is being said is vital if you want people to do the same for you.
Consistency in rapport also essential. There is no point bowing at the knees of your superiors if you are going to assault the office cleaner with inflammatory remarks.
Gripes travel with the speed of sound and dismantle reputations with alarming ease. This harms your ability to be taken seriously and more importantly denies people the right to be treated with the respect they deserve.

Dispel fear
Nothing can invoke fear like sudden change. Imagine the anarchy if you woke up tomorrow morning and found that your entire department at work had been restructured. People would feel deceived.

Alternatively, if your company decided to implement change over a period of time, with sound justification, there might still be some criticism, but there would not be widespread pandemonium.
If you are looking to implement some transformations in your business, or relationships, keeping communication channels open is essential. Where possible, tell the people that will be affected by your venture what you plan to do and how you plan to do it. This will help surface and address any fears that may be festering.
To be transparent in your intentions means that you will not have to deal with people being shocked, or confused, by a sudden change to the status quo.

In conclusion…
If you can reason you can influence. The only boundaries to being influential are the limitations of dented self-esteem and fear. Average people have achieved the exceptional while often the exceptional have fermented in mediocrity.

To grasp change we need to cast off negative rhetoric and harden ourselves to the risk of failure which is  bound to the possibility of incredible achievement…

‘You must be the change you wish to see in the world.’

Mahatma Gandhi

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Herding Cats: complimentary taster

Herding Cats:
Managing challenging people at work

Rather than simply tell you about our training we like to show you.

Our Herding Cats event will give you a 90 min taster of what we do every day. You'll meet some of the you:unlimited team, mingle with other training and HR practitioners and discuss any specific training needs you have.

Apart from giving you a taster of our training style, this workshop will also equip you with tried and tested techniques to help you improve communication with important and challenging individuals.

Our “Herding Cats” taster session will be running in central London from 9am – 11am on Wednesday 24th September  2008.

Spaces are limited, so if you are a Manager or HR & Training professional with responsibility for booking training contact linzi@you-unltd.co.uk or call on +44(0)20 7407 0044 and we’ll book spaces for you and / or a colleague.

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